Dr Shadow

Sometimes it’s all,

About loss of control,

I like when my mind,

Escapes from it’s cage,

And rushes head first,

Into hot melting shit.

 

Chaos breaks up,

The mundane,

And gives birth,

To change.

 

VA WARD #88: (mumbling quickly so no one will hear)

I’m safely dressed so I glow in the dark, and I’m driving while safely in park. And I sleep and I sleep, and I only  wake up to not miss the latest dance craze: The Thorazine Shuffle is sweeping the floor. But it’s ok, it’s really alright, I came from a dream and I’ll return to a dream, and in the mean time I’ll just dream some more.

I told myself a bedtime story, where everything that appeared out there was really all in here, sunny-side up, and projected into my brain like a movie no one else sees. Everything I thought I heard was just vibrations in the air, entering my ears where in my head sounds were formed, then deformed like the things one would see, when things that are seen are too ugly to be seen, and no one should ever see that! They asked what I saw, pretending to care, but their words would blindly butt in, and with pill after pill, they would let me go home, if I heard what they said I should hear. (“Fuck man, another order from another asshole,” thinking but never out loud). These shrinks in white coats and ties ’round their necks, like nooses from Zeus’s abode. Blanket covered minds fresh from college,  whipped and stripped of their souls, they wanted me to see what they saw. She saw see saws. Dr. Shadow’s big ego, his truth wasn’t true, and George Orwell would shit in his grave. (Play the game, soldier, play the game so we all can go home) … I was just a Corporate Hitman playing Army because the movies all lied. ”But now you gotta live with yourself. Need help with that? Call 1-8OO-FORGET … then hold.” But don’t, it’s just another one of their tricks.

They said that the Hobbits and dwarves, the spies and the creeps, were all just made up in my head;  But I know what is real is what I feel when I’m feeling what’s real. Red freckled doctors and candy cane shrinks are waiting to put me away, unless I agree that what they all see is what everyone sees, and the only things really for real. So they took off my wings, killed my spirit and then, took my ability to levitate too. (I used to be able to fly, and I’m sorry I don’t mean to brag).

Faces with legs and claws like a crab are chasing me ’round the psyche ward. But if I take enough pills till I agree they’re not real, then they’ll let me back out on the street. And they recommend I believe in some Christ, or at least think that Santa is real. Melting my brain with their cures to forget…to forget… for get … fore-get … tick tock. Tick Tock. . . . . .

But I forgot to forget, or I faked it I guess, and I hope that they never find out, ’cause I’m cured and I’m no longer scared. So now I know that waffle irons aren’t just for wrinkled waffles. And pancakes are flapjacks, but black jack’s a game, unless you’re out of your mind.

I’m freezing to death,

But they insist with a threat,

That I’m really feeling quite warm.

 

So I want to make clear,

That I’m really not here,

And if I were,

I’d be just in your head…

 

Funk

depressed man

I am lethargic
Confused
And stupefied too
A state of numbness
Just oozes
From each of my thoughts
At least the main thing
That I think
I’m thinking about
Is how a wasteland
For the wasted
Just floated ‘cross my mind
A frosted playground
In the desert
Where my language decays
Composed emotions
About nothing
Rot and reek in the heat
Rock and roll me please
Out of my funk
Let the drums get it on
Lay down a rhythmic
Pleasing diversion
As I turn inside out
To face the music
And pay the piper
For a last chance
To dance
With you

The Bubble Genius

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The little boy was hypnotized by the bubbles he was blowing, as they floated through the air. It mesmerized me just watching his big brown intense eyes, with the lack of a smile like a scientist on a mission. His face so serious as he searched the space filled with bubbles of all sizes,  exploding at different times. Some landing and rolling on the ground  for a while. Some popping before they got a few feet away from his innocent breath. What did those young eyes see that created such astonishment?

Each bubble seemed to be an entity, just like a human life.  An invisible mystery surrounded by a thin shell. Each one different, but each one the same. The shells would pop, and a tiny droplet would fall to the ground, while what was inside the bubble kept floating away. Some bubbles lived a long time, seeming to break some kind of law of physics. Some burst upon the slightest touch with an object. Some melted together. The double bubble. Ahhh, look at the little boys face. The bubbles burst as he tiredlessly keeps blowing more. What was he thinking?

And he caught me looking at him and saw me staring as hypnotically at the bubbles as he was. We exchanged a short heart felt childish giggle, then he went straight back to blowing bubbles. More and more and more bubbles. And through our eye contact, I realized I peeked into his bubble, and he into mine. In a sea of bubbles, this boy became my little friend, just for a short while. His mother appeared and saw the bubbles and looked down at the boy. Her son, but she didn’t really see him. She was pleased he had occupied himself and there was no doubt she loved him. She just didn’t grasp his genius. She smiled at me and I smiled back to reassure her that the boy was definitely not bothering me. So I looked into her bubble and she into mine. And for a second, we were two friends. Two bubbles making contact in a vast sea of bubbles. And she picked her little boy up and turned to leave. The boy looked back at me and without hesitation smiled and waved good bye.  His bubble trance was now broken,  but I knew he’d soon find something new to study somewhere else.  I just wonder what it will be?

Sick Again

r-BREAKING-UP-large570
Home alone and so love sick,

 

I’m reading all your letters,

 

Thinking I might find a clue,

 

Of where it all went wrong,

 

And I can’t help but think that you,

 

Were pretending all along,

 

Your bronze skin glows,

 

I miss the touch,

 

And I can hardly stand it

 

I’m missing you so very much,

 

But I’ll never admit it.

Ghost Town

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Wood that crumbles to the touch,
Silence that becomes too much,
Foot prints on the dusty floor,
Of an old forgotten store.

Broken windows in a room,
And a cob web covered broom,
No one sees the sun go down,
In this old forgotten town.

Darkness brings familiar fears,
As the shadows disappear,
Walking down this empty street,
Feeling somehow incomplete.

I dream while I am still awake,
But with every step I take,
I always stop to look around,
At memories in this old ghost town.

 

Mushroom Clouds

Psychedelic-Vision

When the world arises in me,
It’s just an illusion:
Water shimmering in the sun,
A vein of silver in mother-of-pearl,
A serpent in a strand of rope.

From me the world streams out
And in me it dissolves,
As a bracelet melts into gold,
A pot crumbles into clay,
A wave subsides into water.

I am God sounds a bit arrogant doesn’t it? How about this, I am God and so are you. Better? Well, only if you really understand the allegory. God is a concept that stands for that which we can’t identify. That which gives us life and co-creates this experience. Him, Her, It, the Force, Consciousness and many others names can symbolically be given to what some call God. I think it’s fair to say most have given up the thought that God is an old white bearded man in the sky, hopefully. Not all, and maybe not most. I do not personally know most people. I’ve only met a tiny percent of the world’s population, so most is mostly a useless word. Useless words shouldn’t be used. Too late now, but I’ll make a mental note about that. (Which would be useless as I can’t remember anything for very long anymore). (I just used useless again, didn’t I? I’ll never learn).

This Consciousness is in everything, absolutely everything, and in fact is all there really is. The last psychedelic trip I took was very interesting. I could see, feel and literally Be everything I saw. A rock, the wall, food. Everything was consciousness and I was connected intimately with everything I saw. I literally became that thing. Alas, explaining a trip to someone who’s never tripped is like explaining color to someone born blind. It’s impossible. But many might say, “Yes, but you were in a drug induced hallucination.” But no, it was a spiritual experience. Watch the movie DMT, The Spirit Molecule. Read how the Shamans used mushrooms. Catch up on some Terrence McKenna lectures. Better yet, take a trip if you’re an adult. You’ll never be the same again. (Don’t just find some stuff and take it, do it right, read up on it and have an experienced guide with you if possible. LSD is actually not the best for this, but it’s the easiest to get and will work just fine. Disclaimer: I did not just endorse hallucinogenic drugs, that was just your interpretation and twisting of my words. (Shame on you, implying and what not). :P

Or just start meditating, that is the slow way, but it will get you there. You will understand that reality is mostly made up of beliefs. Belief that an object is solid is the biggest illusion. It’s a mostly empty spaced atoms vibrating at a speed that makes it impossible to pass your hand through it. But it is not solid. And all ‘matter,’ including us, is connected to the invisible force I prefer to call Consciousness. There is no time, that’s also an illusion, a tool that helps humans function, but it’s not real. It would seem that Consciousness is flickering off and on, pulsating eternally, folding and unfolding into Itself, allowing us to experience that which is Ourselves. We are like a computer and Consciousness is like the server. We are like a virtual reality game. Reality too is evolving, and we will always be a part of it. Death is an illusion that only exists in the minds of the living. There is no end to existence. Don’t you think it odd that you exist right now, in this time, but never did before and never will again? It just doesn’t work like that.

Science and physicists know the nature of reality isn’t grounded in their fundamental materialism that they seem to be stuck in. Until mainstream science takes the leap and admits publically that there is a Force that animates us things will not change, but evolution by nature betters itself, so the time will come when we realize the system of fiat money and dependence on material things hurts us. It might be 10 years or 100 years or a thousand years. The reason the flimsy paradigm of science isn’t changing quicker is because of the fucking 5oo year persecution of the church. That resulted in science setting itself up us only materialistic with spirituality strictly taboo. Religion and science were once one entity. In ancient Egypt, they KNEW there was no death. They KNEW intuitively, from direct experience, not belief, that death was an illusion. They didn’t even have a word for death. The Hindus call the ‘dead’ the disappeared. They are still here, but their body has disappeared. The Buddha said everything is an illusion, the Hindus called illusion Maya. Mysticism and science do belong together.

To get your knowledge of reality from a religious book issued by a government for the purpose of control is insane. Words written by other humans are not to be worshipped. The meaning of the words have been lost anyways. The ‘Jew Peter’ is mythically ‘Jupiter,’ (and mystically something else long forgotten, or driven underground or out of existence), but it’s a form of chasing your own shadow. I.E. The statue in Rome of Peter is an old statue of Zeus, or Jupiter, right in plain sight and we don’t/won’t see it. Belief over rides reality. (Kennedy’s head went backward and part of his brain landed on the trunk, yet they say he was shot from behind AND called it a MAGIC bullet, and people believed). We really need to stop and analyze our beliefs. We can learn that we assign a belief to everything. There is nothing in our reality but beliefs, illusions, and not knowing this is hurting us, not helping. We need both a  spirituality based on reality and a “material experience” to be fully Human. Our purpose is to evolve and become Love. To realize our full potential, or better said, Remember our full potential, as it seems we had it at one time and lost it. That paradigm will come, I predict, when science makes that long awaited announcement to the public about what it already suspects.  Many PhDs are speaking out even now (but mainstream ain’t having anything to do with it yet), and their theories are harshly ridiculed by their peers. Stubborn and stupid, indeed it is. Oh well, it’s all in cycles. A circular circus. Like the snake biting it’s own tail.

Wax Paper

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I go uptown, downtown, but never leave home,
I just cross my legs, and I let my mind roam,
I see mars and some stars, but I can’t feel my slacks,
I try to lay down but I turn into wax.

I alternate and oscillate but can’t stop the pain,
It’s getting so bad, I just might go insane,
I turn on my side, and try to relax,
It’d be easier if I could pop a purple xanax.

It’s the worse time I’ve had at any one time,
Too bad I can’t think up words that will rhyme,
If I could then I would write you a poem,
But I can’t ’cause I’m wax and sittin’ at home.

 

( I scribbled this down trying to get my mind off back pain while trying to go to sleep.  lol, silly me.)