Dragging The Line …
I decided to get some advice from the VA medical system. According to their statistics, my feelings are not totally unique unto myself. If you are in this situation, or find yourself there in the future (AARP reports that 60 million people are actively involved in helping an ailing loved one), some of the following will be good to know. I feel better knowing I’m not the only one that is feeling EVERY SINGLE item on this list at different times. It does have it’s ups and downs, and it is a labor of love that I volunteered for.
How to cope with these feelings wasn’t provided by the VA shrink, I go back in two months. I call it Minimal Health Care. The VA used to be a better health provider, but after the last two illegal wars they too are back logged and maxed out. That being said, even ‘so called’ regular doctors are being trained to make people sicker rather than better, through no fault of their own. They just believe what the text books tell them. That’s excludes the very many doctors who have figured out how to perform unneeded surgeries, ways to get kick backs from pharmacies, and other immoral methods to monetize their ”business.” Here’s some of the feelings listed by caregivers:
Anger:
– For being trapped
– That others in the family don’t carry their weight
– At the health-care system and health care professionals
Depression:
– Because of an emotionally and physically draining experience
Fear:
– That they may be next in line; particularly with inherited conditions
– Of not being able to handle the situation
– Of what others are saying about how the situation is being handled
Grief:
– For the way things used to be
– For the way the care receiver used to be
– For lost relationships-emptiness
– (Chronic grieving – one loss after another, with no time to complete the grieving process in between losses).
Guilt:
– For wanting “out” of the caregiver role
– For wishing the care receiver would die
– For not having done enough – and not being able to do more even when you do all you can
– For past behaviors
Helplessness:
– The situation is too great and there’s no way to control it
Shame:
– Of the parent (or spouse) for the failings – for what they were or are now
– Of self for being ashamed
Worry:
– That they may later feel they did not give enough
– That their best was not good enough
I’m just riding the wave, riding the wave. Diving downward to find and pull the cork out of the ocean, to make the land dry so I can catch my breath. Here’s to the dry land under the water, cheers.
hipmonkey 