Weird Bible Contradictions

There’s literally tons of these contradictions, it’s excellent for a laugh. So, since I’m a good Gnostic Heretic, I’ll share them.


And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel.  – II Samuel 24:1

And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.- I Chronicles 21:1

Therefore Michal, the daughter of Saul, had no child unto the day of her death.- II Samuel 6:23

The five sons of Michal, the daughter of Saul. – II Samuel 21:8


And the men which journeyed with Paul stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man. – Acts 9:7

And they that were with me Paul saw indeed the light and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me. – Acts 22:9

And it was in the third hour, and they crucified him. – Mark 25:3-4

And it was the preparation of the passover, and about the sixth hour; and he saith unto the Jews, behold your king… Shall I crucify your king? – John 19:14-15


At the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man. Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed. – Genesis 4:5,6

And the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should not kill him. – Genesis 4:15

There is none other God but one. – I Corinthians 8:4

And God said, Let us make man in our image. – Genesis 1:26


God is not a man, that he should lie – Numbers 23:19

And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the Lord have deceived that prophet. – Ezekiel 24:9

Those that seek me early shall find me. – Proverbs 8:17

Then shall they call upon me but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but shall not find me. – Proverbs 1:28


And God saw everything that he made, and behold it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

And it repented the Lord that he had made man on earth, and it grieved him at his heart – Genesis 6:6

… for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever. – Jeremiah 3:12

Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever. – Jeremiah 17:4


Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. – 2 Kings 8:26

Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. – 2 Chronicles 22:2


The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father. – Ezekiel 18:20

… I the lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. – Exodus 20:5

For by grace are ye saved through faith… not of works. – Ephesians 2:8-9

Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. – James 2:24


Thou shalt not kill – Exodus 20:13

Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side… and slay every man his brother… – Exodus 32:27

I and my father are one. – John 10:30

… I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I. – John 14:28