Weird Bible Contradictions

There’s literally tons of these contradictions, it’s excellent for a laugh. So, since I’m a good Gnostic Heretic, I’ll share them.


And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel.  – II Samuel 24:1

And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.- I Chronicles 21:1

Therefore Michal, the daughter of Saul, had no child unto the day of her death.- II Samuel 6:23

The five sons of Michal, the daughter of Saul. – II Samuel 21:8


And the men which journeyed with Paul stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man. – Acts 9:7

And they that were with me Paul saw indeed the light and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me. – Acts 22:9

And it was in the third hour, and they crucified him. – Mark 25:3-4

And it was the preparation of the passover, and about the sixth hour; and he saith unto the Jews, behold your king… Shall I crucify your king? – John 19:14-15


At the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man. Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed. – Genesis 4:5,6

And the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should not kill him. – Genesis 4:15

There is none other God but one. – I Corinthians 8:4

And God said, Let us make man in our image. – Genesis 1:26


God is not a man, that he should lie – Numbers 23:19

And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the Lord have deceived that prophet. – Ezekiel 24:9

Those that seek me early shall find me. – Proverbs 8:17

Then shall they call upon me but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but shall not find me. – Proverbs 1:28


And God saw everything that he made, and behold it was very good. – Genesis 1:31

And it repented the Lord that he had made man on earth, and it grieved him at his heart – Genesis 6:6

… for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever. – Jeremiah 3:12

Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever. – Jeremiah 17:4


Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. – 2 Kings 8:26

Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign. – 2 Chronicles 22:2


The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father. – Ezekiel 18:20

… I the lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. – Exodus 20:5

For by grace are ye saved through faith… not of works. – Ephesians 2:8-9

Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. – James 2:24


Thou shalt not kill – Exodus 20:13

Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side… and slay every man his brother… – Exodus 32:27

I and my father are one. – John 10:30

… I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I. – John 14:28

2 thoughts on “Weird Bible Contradictions

  1. Yeah, I miss that guy, and no one has taken his place. Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Carlin are gone and we have no one that has stepped up to that level. Seems odd?


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